Desi News, Bollywood Gossip and much more in this issue of Desi-Eye. Also check out the latest Asian Events and Cinema Listings.
 
  Issue 13 : July 2008
 
 
 
 
 

THE TERROR WITHIN - Britain's new catch-all terror laws are crafting a police state

Young Muslims ‘are turning to extremism’

Homeward Bound

Global Indians are returning home: Changing FACE OF INDIA

A Right Westminster Gossip

Farewell, Sam Bahadur

AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN

About Town

THE BIKINI FOR ALL SEASONS

An evening of lotsa pyaar and thoda Magic

Film Listing

The Terror Within

No garbage please- We are Indians

Chalo- lets talk about sex
 
 

Chalo- lets talk about sex
 
 
 
 
 
 

Without senses, we would not know we are alive. And with senses, we know how to live.

When we think of ourselves, “sex” is not the first characteristic that comes to mind. Italians and Brazilians are clearly identified as sexual, but not Indians. Exotic perhaps, but certainly not sexy or sexual. But we are sexual beings. After all, we must engage in it more often than the average global citizen. We don’t believe in immaculate conception or divine intervention on a daily basis, so it must be the increased activity of sex that has procreated a population of a billion.

When we arrive here from the place that shaped our sexual identity, we are in conflict with several worlds, including our own. From the moment we step out of India, our conscious pursuits may be for money or knowledge, but our existence holds an intensely sexual dimension to it. One constant refrain at “foreign” student offices in universities around the country during orientation programs is that the “foreigners” should not mis-interpret the friendliness of British women as anything more than that, an expression of casual friendliness. We migrate, or return home, in the Indian purushartha tradition - in pursuit of Artha (money) or Moksha (liberation), or with a grave sense of Dharma (duty) to self or family. The pursuit of the fourth Hindu life principle, Kama (sensuality), is rarely touted.

That is strange considering that we come from one of the most fertile lands in procreation. We bring with us a heritage of nude and erotic sculptures and that great text Kamasutra, which preceded our arrival and introduced us to the West. We immigrants straddle many worlds, two of which form our frontiers of where we come from and where we are. The realm of sexuality - sex, sensuality and all things sexual - is not that pronounced, But the codes and conflict of these worlds are at play in our family relations, our new social networks, perceptions in the media, as well as in the motivation to make sense of it all.

Our sexual identity is a mix of many worlds. It is a challenge that would have even befudimmigrants, dled Freud. The great Dean of sexuality could comprehend a nuclear, patriarchal family, stable in a culture where patterns are predictable and desires are unchallenged beyond their norms. But is it possible to understand the various manifestations, reactions, implications and narratives of sexuality forimmigrants, the people who oscillate between boundaries?

India is a puzzle for those willing to think and a simple riddle for those bent on forming an opinion. The culture of sex and sexuality in India is far too difficult to be understood in all its dimensions. There is the age-old conflict between tradition and modernity or the nativist and the commercial culture in India. We are coded in our sexual behavior. We shy away from pre-marital sex and sex education is taboo in schools. We seem to keep our distance from the other gender and that too, by limiting the movements and gestures of women in the family and the public space.

We are a prudish society that does not seem to know how to be comfortable with sex and sexuality, mutual gender or in shaping our desires into elegant or respectful gestures in public. The boundaries between sexes are marked and the rights of puberty are masked by either religious rituals or glossed over by parents and family. Since most Indians live in joint families, this is even harder as we see around us clear expressions of “sexiness” and fully sexual beings. Families that live in smaller living space have to be very cautious and considerate,
often talking about sex in coded terms, mostly in hushed tones.

Courtship in India is remarkjuly ably un-natural. We talk to girls from fifteen feet, rarely breaking the unspoken codes of restraint and respect with purer, freer expressions of feelings. We are indeed devoid of languages for courtship. In a very odd manifestation, we sing Hindi film songs or quote poetry to make our feelings known, in rich metaphors with hardly a connection to the heart of the man or a woman we are approaching.

I have observed more than once incidents of the fresh grooms asking for appropriate verses to use in the closely observed courtship rituals and even on the first night of their lives. We have a mythology of sexuality in Indian cinema, which assumes that the culture is prudish, reserved and quite harsh on itself. Expressions of sexuality and true awakening of sexuality are always taboo; we think speaking of it will make us all dirty or violate our divine command of chastity and purity.

As we look back on the life we left behind, sexual awakenings appear to be fugue, a cloudy mish-mash of missed opportunity, encounters with codes and the authorities that imposed them. Very few of us, particularly in the middle class, broke open those boundaries and enjoyed ourselves.

Things have altered a bit for the newer urban middle class. Their proximity and Western style consumerism has brought them closer, physically and perhaps sexually. The path of their lives is not that liberated or clear. While they do enjoy somewhat of a clearer encounter with things sexual, their later rituals, marriage and family life allow them to lapse into the Indian prudishness toward sexuality. You must be care ful about sex, not appear sexy; sex is not a public topic and one does not talk about one’s sexual desires or experiences in public.

Reserved as we are in engaging with matters of sex and sexuality in expressive form, there are part of our lives that are intensely sexual. Indian clothing, particularly that of women, has been seen as sexy (also elegant, respectful, etc.). The calculated exposure of the blouse design and the curves that make a sari, revealing what has only just become

fashionable in the West, the mid-riff, all speak of intentions to move the body in front of others, defining what is sexy and how artful that sexiness can be. Other forms of dresses, including skirts, salwaar- khameez, etc. have their own distinct, inviting features that are pleasing to the eye and in their variety, unmatched anywhere. Contrast that with mini skirts or tank tops, jeans with ever widening mid-riffs. Western clothing is less colorful, less charming and hardly artful. This in-your-face sexuality is not something Indian clothing practices and that is something very sexy indeed.

Outside of the limits of the personal or the familial, our streets are exploding with sex. There are billboards with giant breasts, gyrating hips posed to eternity, and a combination of animalistic roughness in our heroes and villains, surrounded by voluptuous and inviting beauties. In films, sex is not simply an expression; it is an underlying theme, a reward for the victories of men and a feast for those who pay for the tickets. There is hardly graphic sex in Indian movies, but its underlying tenor is obvious. There are aggressive courtship gestures and incredibly loaded language to suggest sexual unions, elevated to the poetic, but erotic nevertheless.

The explosion of commercial culture during the past 15 years has exacerbated these trends. What was once the province of Bollywood, has been taken over by the commercial industry, which has cashed in all the repressed sensibilities of Indians. It is so much in your face that even children are now aware of the parts of women’s bodies and their personal rituals. It is hard to imagine that you are in a culture that is reserved about matters of sexuality Bollywood and commercial culture are deepening the fantasies of a prudish nation. As cultural norms persist, they fantasize about their sexuality through a sexy Zeenat Aman or Dimple, perhaps Aishwarya Rai or Madhuri Dixit, but they return to their own reality, which holds an enormous weight in matters of the flesh. The key here is the moment of wedding, either in the film or in the lives of these Bollywood babes. Since most Bollywood narratives end in marriage, there is no life to these real life sexy divas after marriage. We see a return to classical prudishness. It is now simple clothing, family life and press briefings without make-up.

Perhaps all this sex and sexiness in Indian culture is at the level of fantasy. But it allows us, in fact, forces us to live in two worlds. We live cautiously to explore and practice sexuality, to talk about it or even learn about it (sex education is not possible in many states). And yet, we watch our public world explode with sexual images, narratives and fantasies. The visual character of Indian street, among other things, is intensely sexual. But it is a street of a culture that practices sexuality as if it is the last caution against the human body. We immigrants carry it all here. Our perceptions of sex and sexuality in this culture are shaped by Hollywood movies, TV shows, gossip programs and the vast publicity machine that creates Britain for immigrants
even before they arrive here.

On the face of it, Britain is very open and free. Sex, we are told, is like money, you will find it anywhere if you look for it. Issues like premarital sex, sex education in schools are quite common in public life. The status of relationships, even that of family, is fluid. One can have many partners, some official, some not. There are fewer taboos in terms of the interpersonal practice of sex. Sexuality is still the currency that drives consumer culture. Everything is sexual. It is hard to take your 5-year-old to a mall and let her think that it is all a display of things that can be sold. But it is a society that lives with a relatively open public exchange about sex. Homosexuality
is a common, public subject. If you listen to a fanatic right winger, you might find that in his rage-ridden commentary, he takes interest in describing gay sex. Practitioners are not obsessed with it, so they do not describe it.

This culture does not have a grip on simplicity when it comes to sex and sexuality. It is also, much like ours, a deeply ambivalent culture. It is beset with contradictions that are less rich and verge on hypocrisy. We arrive here and make this our new home. We bring with us our own contradictions that would be inexplicable to outsiders and even to ourselves. But we land in an equally deep morass of confusion and duplicitous practices about sex and sexuality. This encounter, unique and distinct, has its challenges, generating crises and confusions.